A Dose of Nature Therapy
Posted on Mon Oct 27th, 2025 @ 4:59pm by Lieutenant JG Ryan Kellerman & Lieutenant Niami Troga
2,487 words; about a 12 minute read
Mission:
What was Lost is Found
Location: Counselor's Office, Deck 11
Timeline: Two days before "Sole Survivor"
Ryan sat with his hands clasped loosely in his lap, brown eyes tracing the symmetry of a light fixture above him as if its bright glow might provide him with something more rooted than his own thoughts.
The chair was comfortable enough, deep at the back, but he perched in it like an anxious guest who just could not settle. Shadows stretched long across the counselor's outer office; the air smelled a little of something herbal, maybe brewed tea meant to soothe.
He'd shaved that morning, though a hint of stubble already seemed to be pressing through along his jaw. His uniform was neat, collar crisp--as always, but the man inside it bore a heaviness. It was as if the fabric of the uniform weighed more than it should.
When Ryan's gaze finally dropped to meet Niami's, his eyes held the same guarded calm he'd been practicing since stepping aboard the Valkyrie: not cold and not unkind--just a thousand-yard stare a man develops when he's lost a little faith in easy answers.
The counseling room felt slightly claustrophobic to Niami, she also caught the sense of him being uncomfortable.
"Lieutenant Kellerman, how would you like to take a walk away from the office." Niami pulling out her PADD to see if there was a time slot available, there was, she put in for the time, thankfully it would be available by the time they arrived. "What sort of scenery do you like to contemplate in? Or even talk to someone in?"
"A walk sounds... fine," he said, his voice careful and low. He wasn't eager, but he also was not resistant to the idea. It was simply measured.
He pushed himself up, the chair making a slight creak under the motion. They stepped across the threshold and into the corridor of Deck Eleven.
"I used to... talk with my older brothers," he began. "There's a hill behind our house in Vandalia. We'd sit up there, just the four of us. You could see every acre, every field, stretching for miles."
"That sounds truly lovely, I'd like to visit that, if you don't mind." Her dark eyes having a wistful expression.
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Holosuite
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"If you don't mind, would you program that scene you were telling me about? It sounds so lovely, and peaceful." Niami responded. This also will give her an insight into the man who sought her out to talk.
Ryan hesitated before the control panel, recalling the scene. His fingers finally moved, tapping in the coordinates that weren't exactly numbers but simply pieces of his childhood stitched together.
The holosuite's walls dissolved. Grass swelled around them, bright green and high, and the air filled with the smell of clover and dust. In the distance, the Kaskaskia River appeared, curling away like a ribbon of deep blue.
They were standing on a hilltop overlooking miles of farmland. Ryan squinted toward the fields to the west. "They always looked endless to me," he said quietly. "Even though I knew every fence line and every road that cut through."
"Long and winding road." Niami commented quietly, "It is beautiful country. Come lets have a seat."
Lowering herself to the grass, she leaned back on her elbows just to take in the whole view. "I like this setting, peaceful, serene." taking in the scent of the surroundings.
Ryan glanced around and then lowered himself beside her, the grass folding under him neatly. The air here was warmer than it ever truly had been in southern Illinois--holosuite perfection smoothed out the fickleness of real weather. Somewhere below, a lone cicada droned on unbothered.
He leaned back on his palms, his eyes scanning the horizon. The sun 's light was the colour of amber and it was dipping low. "My brothers and I used to come up here after chores," he said. "Sometimes we'd just sit and throw rocks at fence posts until dusk. We never talked usually."
His nostalgia felt stronger here than it ever had while visiting home in recent years. He wondered why that was. "It's strange, though. I remember thinking I'd give anything to get out of this place. All of it feels like a cage when you're seventeen with a head full of plans."
"This though is a place for reflection, it seems that you and your brothers shared companionable silence, no need for words. Memories like this can help settle the mind." Niami remarked, her eyes drifting to Ryan. Letting the quietness settle, surrounding them except for the rustling of the breeze through the tall grass.
Ryan smiled faintly, he felt the memory pass through him more as a warm breeze than an expression. "Yeah," he said. "We didn’t need to talk. We already knew everything worth saying."
He plucked a blade of grass, rolling it between his fingers. The holographic sun warmed his forearms, the smell of clover rising sweet and heavy in the programmed stillness. Somewhere in the distance, a carrion bird moaned low and lonely--an indulgent detail, one the computer seemed to think fit.
"My older brother, Adam--he used to say silence was our family’s first language. My mom could sit through a whole meal and not say a word unless the cows had gotten out again. Even then, it’d just be something short like, 'gate’s open.' "
A low chuckle from Niami, "And that would be enough wouldn't it." having a smile. "How is your family doing? Have you spoken to them as of late?" moving her position to where she was seated crosslegged. She picked up a blade of grass, its width moderately wide. She placed it in her hands and blew through it, the sound somewhat shrill piercing through the air.
An apologetic smile to Ryan. "I had to see if I could still do that."
Ryan chuckled before snatching his own wide piece of holographic grass and repeating the same motion as Niami. "Yeah," he said with a grin. "I haven't tried that since I was twelve." He tossed the blade of grass away and looked out over the river again.
"I spoke with them just a few weeks ago," he said finally. "Mom's... well, she's fine. Dad too. They keep busy with the farm, and Adam... he's still Adam. Loud when he wants to be, stubborn when he doesn't." He paused, eyes lowering to a small anthill a few feet away. "I don't go out of my way to contact them. It's more like I let them contact me." He looked over at Niami again. "My sister Phoebe and I stay in touch pretty often."
"It is how things work at times, different ebbs and flows for the dynamics of family." Niami becoming a bit thoughtful, this conversation causing her to reflect on her own family dynamics. Her own family dynamics were a little tangled at the moment, she'll have to figure that out later.
"Counselor," he said, pausing only briefly to order the words in his head. "Do you ever feel like you're holding yourself at a distance from everyone? Not because you want to, but because it's easier than letting anyone in?"
"I do feel that way at times. There can be that worry about someone you or I are close to, disappearing out of our lives. Or the opposite, you or I of disappearing out of another person's life. If the pain of the previous separation is still strong there is that desire to not reach out and to protect the heart from suffering anymore pain."
She looked out towards the horizon, thinking of the times she had become separated from those she cared about. And her wanting to just stick to things professional, and not reach out and connect with others. Using her job as a shield or barrier. Counselors had to make some sort of wall between those who came to see them, and not get way involved emotionally.
Ryan listened quietly, the sound of her voice mingling with the sounds of the holographic insects and the faint rustle of clover in the warm breeze. There was something about the way she said it--soft and unguarded--that tugged at a place inside him he hadn't let anyone touch in a good, long while.
He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds about right."
Glancing over at her, he opened-up a little more. "You probably know by now that Darius Korveth and I were married." He rolled his eyes a moment, correcting, "Are married."
"Yes I do know." A soft smile as she turned her gaze towards Ryan. "Darius had mentioned something to that fact." her voice was low, not prying just acknowledging the fact she did know.
Ryan let out a slow breath and stared at the horizon. "It's been... complicated," he admitted, the words careful, balanced, not spilling more than he intended. "Three years now, in fact. Since... well, since things ended the way they ended."
He shifted slightly, brushing grass off of his knee with the back of his hand. "I've kept to myself, mostly. A couple of... brief things, but nothing that really stuck. Socially, I mean. Emotionally, I guess I put the rest of the universe on hold."
His gaze returned to Niami, but it wasn't accusatory or expectant--it was measured, trying to gauge if she could hear him without judgment. "Do you... think it's possible to come back from something like that? To let yourself actually... reach out again without thinking it'll just end in loss?"
A soft smile as she looked at Ryan, "I do indeed think it is possible. And I have faith that it is possible." whether it was more towards herself than him, Niami fervently believed in what she said.
"Not everyone can come back from something like that, I also know of others who have. They forged a much stronger bond, more refined, more loving."
The light caught Niami's hair then--one thin, unbroken ribbon of gold from the afternoon sun. It made the black shine almost blue, like wet ink. For a long moment, Ryan found his attention drifting to her, not out of desire but the simple appreciation of something that seemed, in its own little way, flawless.
Ryan cleared his throat a little, dragging his gaze back to the horizon. "Can I ask you something else, Counselor?"
Her eyes lingered upon Ryan, as his eyes drifted towards the horizon, there was that imperceptible small opening of a door. Having this setting, talking within the holodeck instead of the small enclosed room of counseling. It made hher feel more at ease in accomplishing her work. Perhaps she needed to add some of her own touches to her counseling room to make it not seem so enclosed.
Ryan's voice brought her back to the present, her eyes drifting back out to the horizon itself. watching the play of the light upon some lazily drfiting clouds.
"Yes you may." Niami responding.
"Have you ever been in love?"
Time seemed to freeze in that moment, Niami sitting there in silence for what seemed ages but it was just mere seconds.
She spoke softly with some tints of sadness, staring off into the distance looking beyond the clouds as if into space itself. "Yes, I have been in love."
"How'd you know when it was over?"
Ryan felt the need to explain without revealing too much. "Not the moment you said goodbye, I mean," he added. "Before that. When you started realizing what you felt wasn't what it used to be."
Closing her eyes for a moment, Niami looked back into her memories of her 'separations' there were several in her lifetime.
"It is when a person doesn't wish to try to work things out. Being too hurt in order to talk out the hurt and pain. And that is something that is difficult to see past when a person has been injured. Pride, feelings of betrayal takes a lot to work through. And it depends on the persons to decide to work through the issues. And to truly fight for things to become stroinger or have a renewed relationship"
Opening her eyes, she looked at Ryan. "For me, it became evident when the person I loved, wouldn't leave a situation, and I had to move on."
He looked toward the river, where the water looked solid and gleamed like molten glass in the late afternoon light. The holodeck program had made the air feel just as thick as a real summer day. The sort of day that feels warm and comforting on the skin.
"I think," Ryan continued, "that's what hurts the most. I can forgive a lie, or a bad day, or even betrayal. But it's been over three years since I left my husband, and I'm still in love with him. Why would I want to risk being hurt again?"
"Are you willing to try to rediscover the relationship you had? Or make a new one with your loved one? Those are at least two questions that need to be considered."
Inwardly Niami thought, At least you will be able to figure that out and be able to settle that. I will not. keeping that deep in her mind.
Outside she put her mind more into the discussion they were talking of. "I say take a chance work it out, as, if you do not you may actually regret not trying."
"I've asked myself that," he said. "More times than I can count. It leads me to the same question: what's worse--trying and failing again, or never trying and always wondering?"
He nodded--more to himself than Niami. "Yeah, I need to figure it out." Looking over at her again, Ryan was struck by her beauty. Her shoulder length black hair and melodic voice were traits Ryan had become entranced by.
Ryan pointed to the south. "Over there about eight or nine kilometers is the city of Vandalia proper." His eyes settled on a flattened piece of farmland directly south-southwest of the hill. "My granddad said there used to be a prison just over there where all that holographic corn is growing."
He glanced back to Niami, then to the trees, and the wind tussling his hair. "I need to get out of here," he said abruptly. "Too many good memories."
A raise of an eyebrow, and Niami nodded, "It is time to bring this to a close, for now." a kind smile, "Thank you for showing me a piece of your history. it was lovely and soothing." rising up from where she had been sitting, brushing off the pieces of grass from her uniform.
"I wish you well in finding your way. It will be your choice on what you will do where your relationship is concerned. You know that if you need to talk, just let me know."
Lieutenant Niami Troga
Chief Counselor
USS Valkyrie
Lieutenant JG Ryan Kellerman
Chief Intelligence Officer
USS Valkyrie
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